Monday, September 20, 2010

Its just scary.

So, I've been absent since the 1st of September.
I have officially been in a little funk.
I think I'm coming out of it...

To be perfectly honest, I'm a little overwhelmed at the thought of another baby.
Yes, this was very much a planned pregnancy.
But, I think its safe to say that you really don't know what you are getting into until you are thrown in the middle of something.

So, that said, I'm not just overwhelmed, I'm a little scared.
I find myself dwelling on things like this:
Will I be as good of a mama to baby #2 as I think I am to Rutledge?
Will I have the time to put into baby #2?  I have had nothing but time with Rutledge since he was born and I have relished every single moment.
Will I be able to easily breastfeed new baby as easily as Rutledge?
Bascially, as far as Matt and I are concerned, Rutledge has been a breeze.
I'm also worried about Rutledge.

Will he feel left out?
Will he like the new baby?

I know that these are things that I can't do anything about, at least not now.
But, I find myself hoping that we can manage it all and everyone still be just as happy as we are now.

So, with all of these thoughts running through my head, I've been a little preoccupied and haven't felt up to blogging.  Also, I've been extremely worried about Uncle Bob.  Just knowing that his time is limited is stressful to me.  I worry about my mama and how she must travel to Arkansas every week to take care of him because she is his only family. 
I have other worries and woes, mostly revolving around a personal situation that very few peeps know about.  I prefer to keep the details private but I will say that I am the caretaker of an immediate family member.  I am responsible for every aspect of their life, such as finances, healthcare...ummm, everything.  This person needed help, asked for it and I have given it...but, its still hard to wrap my head around ALL of my responsibilities.  Its also hard to balance this persons needs, my own little fam's needs and MY needs.
I'm learning, but its really hard to attend to everything, mostly because of the emotional toll it takes on me.

So, you have read about all of my belly achin'!
Aren't you exhausted???
I am;)

But, I've spent a lot of time in prayer and I think that I'm learning how to handle it all.

Hope that everyone has had a great weekend!


Susannah said...

Awww Erin, I'm sorry! You do need to have some time to yourself for sure!

Sarah Barry said...

It is a scary. So much responsibility! I'm worried about managing the grocery store, laundry, and cooking dinner while caring for two! Yikes, I'm sure somehow it will all get done.